Im sorry

Im sorry Im not perfect. Im sorry I hurt people constantly. Im sorry Im a bitch. Im sorry I hate my dad, but love him all the same. Im sorry Im not like my brother. Im sorry Im a horrible daughter. Im sorry I dont live up to Gods standards. Im sorry I drink. Im sorry I smoke. Im sorry I do drugs. Im sorry I cut myself. Im sorry I wish I was dead. Im sorry Im a whore. Im sorry I cant make my mind up about anything. Im sorry I feel like the black sheep in my family. Im sorry I dont like my family. Im sorry Im not amazing in school. Im sorry Im me. Im sorry I dont dress girly. Im sorry I have no manners. Im sorry I judge people. Im sorry I treat people like shit. Im sorry Im not the daughter I should be. Im sorry Kody. Im sorry I hurt everyone else. Im sorry for all the hearts Ive broken. Im sorry for all the tears Ive caused. Im sorry Im a shit friend. Im sorry Im ugly as hell. Im sorry I dont take peoples shit. Im sorry I complain all the time. Im sorry Im not what you want me to be.

Take a Bow..

If I Were a Boy -Rihanna

If I were a boy even just for a day
I'd roll out of bed in the morning
And throw on what I wanted

And go drink beer with the guys                                                                                  And chase after girls

                                                                I'd kick it with who I wanted

And I'd never get confronted for it

'Cause they stick up for me

If I were a boy

I think I could understand
How it feels to love a girl
I swear I'd be a better man                                                                                                 I'd listen to her

'Cause I know how it hurts

When you lose the one you wanted

'Cause he's taking you for granted

And everything you had got destroyed

If I were a boy

I would turn off my phone
Tell everyone it's broken
So they'd think that I was sleeping alone                                                                       I'd put myself first

And make the rules as I go

'Cause I know that she'd be faithful

Waiting for me to come home, to come home

You don't listen to her

You don't care how it hurts
Until you lose the one you wanted
'Cause you're taking her for granted
And everything you had got destroyed
But you're just a boy
                                                   

-Oh How I Want You

And as I sit here holding this gun in my hand, with everyone around me laughing and waiting for me to shoot, it takes all i have not to turn it around, facing my head and pull the trigger. I told you not to let me hold a gun, but you didn't understand the point I was trying to get across. So don't be surprised if one day I'm gone. You walk in and alls you see is me lying in a pool of my own blood. Don't believe people's lies like with Kurt Cobain. No one's gonna kill me. I'll be dead by my own hand. Fuck people and their lies.

Sit back and Cry..

....And I can only sit back and watch You with all the other girls who are better and so much more prettier than me. Who actually treat You right, make You happy, and who seem to understand You better..I can only wish with all the broken pieces of my heart that I was the one in Your arms, the one You always talk to and laugh with. I miss You so fucking much. I miss everything We had together. We were unstoppable. Then You became someone I didn't know. Why'd You change? You said I was the one changing, but really I'm not. I've been the same since I was 2. I wish You would come back to me. Take me in Your arms and tell me that everything will be okay. But these are just lost hopes along with the rest of them in the River of Misery..

Armor for Sleep

I've noticed that I can't let go of anything. The fact that it's sentimental or just an object or idea doesn't matter. I hang on to it. Always thinking about/looking at it. I can't let go of something that happened 3 months ago let alone 4 years ago. Objects aren't as hard for me to let go of as memories and events are. Every single thing I do that's mean or wrong I can't stop thinking about and regretting. And everyday new things get added to that list. Probably contributing to the way I am today. But I can't seem to not do it..

I Really Don't

Scattered

Guys and life are so very confusing. You think they're all sweet and stuff and BAM they turn into douche bags. I cant stand that. And they don't even realize when they hurt you. I don't think guys are stupid, they're just not smart enough to figure out the complex ways of girls and their thoughts and mind. I feel really stupid too because I don't know what to do about anything anymore. I sometimes wish I never started dating; that way things wouldn't be so hard and stressful. I don't see why people can't just be straight up with people. Why people have to talk bad about people to their faces, and especially behind their backs. Why people act fake, or feel like they have to act a certain way for people to like them. It's just like dude, be yourself. Guys don't get that girls don't just want sex. They want it to be balanced, sex sometimes, but the guy still being super sweet and romantic and amazing. I hate high school. I wish I was back in elementary school, when no one judged anyone. Everyone was friends with everyone. It didn't matter what you looked like, or who you hung out with. But now, everyone is changing in order to fit into "the crowd". It's mullarky. My friends are droppin like flies.


"It is better to be hated for what you are then loved for what you are not."
"You don't die from a broken heart, you only wish you did."